Mothers Day: Dealing with loss

Here we are people.
The day of the mum
Mothering Sunday

This is my 4th as a mum and my 9th without a mum
It’s still all a bit weird

Recently we were talking to Small about family and he popped up and said ‘your my mummy, but you don’t have one do you, because she died’

Small wanted to know why he didn’t have a second nanny. We’ve spoken to Small many times about death as I think it’s important for him to understand life isn’t all roses; and as a family who has zero interest in religion we wanted to be the people that spoke to him, so he didn’t start questioning what is heaven and everything that comes with that conversation.


The thing that never ceases to amaze me with kids is their ability to listen and digest information that we see as a topic usually reserved for grown ups. He listened and asked questions and we told him information that was appropriate for him to understand. When we asked if he had any other questions he just wanted to know if it was time for a biscuit.

When you use phrases like ‘we lost grandma’ or ‘they fell asleep’ it gives young children the impression they are coming back. Kids are so literal in their thinking, and the last thing anyone wants to do is confuse them or even worse, make them worried about sleeping.

Of course, if you follow a path of religion, then you would naturally tell them the next steps around death (be it heaven, reincarnation or anything else in between).

Kids are not afraid of words. Dying and Death are only scary if you don’t know what they mean.

My mum passed away when I was in my late 20’s and I am forever grateful that she got to see us grow up.
I am forever resentful that she never got to meet Small or my partner.

Death is cruel and no amount of talking will stop the pain, tears and greaving. But, to have those conversations instills an understanding in children, so they know that whatever happens in life, they are always loved by those around them.

If you ever want some guidance around talking to young children about this then please head to Banardos or alternately you can call them on 028 9064 5899


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